Hi everyone!
Ok so, who am I? My name is Clare and I’m 26……..And I’m 38 months into my IVA.Â
This first post has taken me ages to write, it’s been difficult in parts, because I have had to revisit lots of very unhappy memories, but it also has been one of the most powerful and carthartic things I have ever done. It has made me realise all of the factors that have contributed to my situation, and the fact that I ignored the problems for so long and the problems that this in itself caused. I can’t believe how much I have written! I thought it would be straightforward to write, but once I started, I just couldn’t stop. There was so much emotion that came out, and I have a real lump in my throat as I re-read it.
I hope that some of you will be kind enough to take the time to read my blog.
 My money troubles started when I was 18 and I left university after only 3 months. My boyfriend at the time convinced me to come home so that we could be together, and like a fool I listened to him. We moved in together, against the advice of all my family and friends and the problems started soon after this. We were both working full time, but our combined income was a paltry £20,000. I started working for a bank, and this in itself was one of the worst things that could have happened. I was able to access my account, and my lending file so I could see how much they would lend me! To a naive 19 year old, this was like a red rag to a bull, and the thought of being able to have some cash to myself was just too much to resist. It was a small loan at first, and a credit card……but as I am sure that most of us know now, this is just the beginning.
Within no time, because our salaries were so small, a big chunk was taken by the repayments and left us with nothing to spend on living. If I was buying all the latest computers, tv’s, posh furniture etc etc I would say that I blame myself……..but it was racked up on food, bills and generally living. I have now worked out that we were overspending by about £5000 per year, so £600 per month. It didn’t seem like much at the time, but neither of us were able to get better paid jobs, and to be honest, while we were managing the monthly payments, we weren’t that concerned.
We took consolidation after consolidation, but because the payments got higher and higher, we were spending more and more on credit cards. When we got to the limit on one, we would just get another. I say we, but the majority of the cards and loans were in my name, because his income meant that no one would really consider him for a loan.Â
By the time I was 21, I was comfort eating to a diabolical degree, and I was massively overweight. I was so depressed about myself, I just carried on eating to make myself feel better. Then I discovered that if you smoke marijuana, you forget your problems. I was soon completely dependent on this, and couldn’t sleep without it. In time, this obviously had an adverse effect on my personality, and my ability to do my job. I was depressed, and carried on smoking to help me forget the fact that there was no way I was going to be able to pay for the bills when they came that month.
 Still the bank lent me money, and pushed me to consolidate again. Of course, when I signed the loan again, I felt relieved that my credit cards were at £0 again. But being in a situation where your take home pay is £850, and £350 goes to one loan, we were soon forced to rack up the cards again.
The crunch came in 2004, when we realised that we didn’t even have enough money to pay our rent anymore. This was devastating to me, as I am a very proud person, and didn’t want to admit that I had failed. So, we ended up moving in with his parents, which was a soul destroying experience in itself. I managed to get myself a new job, which thankfully paid £5000 a year more. But unfortunately, it was a mere drop in the ocean compared to our our outgoings. I was still in denial about the problems, and had absolutely no idea just how much I owed.Â
Our income was around £1800 per month, and our outgoings were in excess of £2000. We were living on about £30 each per week, and this included travel to work and incidental spending. Obviously, this was not enough, and we had to carry on spending on our cards. It felt never ending.
I was still smoking, but had managed to get my overeating under control. I was still extremely depressed, and looked awful. My skin was bad, and the circles under my eyes were massive. I was withdrawn and quiet; the complete opposite of my natural personality.Â
Then one evening in September 2005, I went out for dinner with my mum. We had a very difficult and painful talk about my situation, and I told her everything. She was shocked and upset by the nightmare that I had created for myself, and had no idea how I was possibly going to get out of it. I asked her to lend me the money to clear my debts, but she said to me in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t in any position to help me, and I needed to make drastic changes to my life.
I went home and cried for hours, not being able to talk to my partner, and I came to a decision. The next day, I packed a few of my things and waited for him to come home. I sat down with him and told him our relationship was over. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I knew that if I was going to sort my life out, I needed to start anew, and that meant in every sense of the word. If I had stayed with him, I know that I wouldn’t ever get out of debt, or be able to stop smoking. So that night, I went back to my mum’s house. It was a very sad time, but she was amazing to me, and let me have lots of time to myself to start to think about what I was going to do.
After a few days, I knew that I had to address my money issues head on, as they weren’t going to go away. The first thing to do was to work out exactly how much I owed. I was apalled to work out that it was in excess of £32,000. I cried and cried and couldn’t believe that I had allowed it to get to that stage. The bank that I previously worked for had lent me £21,000 on a salary of £11,900. To this day I am shocked and amazed that they could be so irresponsible as to lend me that much money, when it should have been patently obvious that I would not be able to afford to repay this.
I researched my options, and considered bankruptcy. I really didn’t want to go down that route, because I felt like there was a massive stigma attached to it. I rang up an inslovency company and the relief I felt was immense. They were very matter of fact, and told me straight what the pros and cons of an IVA were. I decided that this was my best option and put forward my proposal. On my salary, we proposed a monthly payment of £250. On the day of the creditors meeting, they rejected the payment, and asked for £355 per month. This scared me as even though I was living at home, my salary still wasn’t large and I felt that this would make me struggle to cope. I accepted this, and just thought to my self that I would just have to tighten my belt further.
I asked my former partner to make a contribution to my monthly payments, seeing as even though it’s in my name, he was just as responsible for the debt. I never heard from him again, and I heard on the grapevine that he went Bankrupt shortly after we split up.
My IVA was agreed in October 2005. When I got all my paperwork through, the relief was unbelievable. I felt for the first time in 5 years that there was a light at the end of the long long tunnel, no matter how dim.
This was the start of my new beginning.
So what now? Now, we’re nearly in 2009, and I can honestly say I have never looked back. After 2 years of living with my mum, she helped me with a deposit for a flat and money for some furniture. I now live on my own in a really nice flat, and have done for 18 months. I know exactly where every penny of my money goes, and I have learned some valuable lessons about budgeting, and I am the best bargain hunter known to man!
I have been promoted at work, and have a bit more money coming in. Obviously, with the cost of living as it is, I don’t really see the benefit of it, but I know that in 22 months time, I will be able to have a proper life!
I have lost 4 stone, and I am happy in myself and my confidence and outgoing personality has returned!
The biggest thing that this whole process has shown me, is that credit is something to be treated with respect, and that it should only be used when absolutely neccessary! I will never have a credit card again, and I have a sad sense of hatred towards the whole attitude of pushing money towards people who can ill afford it. The whole culture of ‘buy now pay forever’ will never catch me out again!
It has taught me that I can cope with anything, and once this has gone from my record, I will be a person in my own right again, not just a statistic on the Insolvency Register. I still worry that I won’t be able to get a decent mortgage in the future, but I am taking one IVA payment at a time. I know that I can put away £355 a month now, so a couple of years saving that kind of money will get me a decent deposit!
I am so glad that this site is here to offer support and advice to those of us who find ourselves in this awful situation, but if this blog entry inspires or gives hope to just one person who feels that they are alone in this, then I will feel that I have done what I set out to do.
Thanks so much for reading, I hope it gives a bit of insight into my story, and I’d love your opinions and comments,
Take care all
 xcx